Thursday, June 5, 2008
My girls come home from Mimi and grandaddy's tomorrow- and I am soo happy! I know they have had a great week- but I sure miss them when they are gone. That is part of my struggle - should I work my full time job.... or should I stay home- because I can.? At one time- we needed me to work to make it. I had been a stay home mom for 8 years- from the birth of my Jordan - then Josie- and home until Josie started kindergarten. By that time I was ready for adult interaction. I started working with our church- and it was a great blessing. I was able to have the girls at work with me if I needed and they were very flexable with my time. My job has increased at the office and I do have more time away from my girls than I want. With greater responsibility comes- sometimes- greater sacrifice. I am honored to be in the position I am in- I really am.... so I think that is part of why I feel bad sometimes that I do want to give it up. And during the school year- it's fine... but summertime is hard for me. I really would rather be with the girls. Instead- I have to find places for them to be all summer. They do some camps- but only those I know well- they aren't going anywhere I don't know well. They spend time at Mimi's- but that is 45 minutes away from me- so I don't get to have them home every night. By July I will be complaining alot- so please forgive me. And pray for me. I don't know what to do. I don't really feel released from my job... I feel that Pastor does need me and respects me greatly... and I appreciate that. But at the end of the day- all I really want to be is the best mom I can be for Jordan and Josie. They are the very breath I breathe. I want them to never wonder or question whether they are important to me and their dad. I want to do the right thing. It's great to have extra money- but I would rather have them.
That's on my mind right now.